Cozy :
I haven't been as active as I'd like this year.
It's weird for me to say this, but apparently I am not in NS. Yet, at least.
Something's wrong with the confirmation of my PES status, and I don't really know why but because of that I am not assigned as of yet.
It's been fun writing this, but it looks like I won't be able to frequent this story as much as I used to.
It doesn't mean that I'd stop the story. No, of course not! I'm not even at the good parts yet. I love this story. I love how realistic I've made Katachi. How he isn't just some cut-out cardboard superhero, how he's actually struggling with the aspect of maturity and his own frailty, his inferiority complex. So many people write about their characters in such specific settings, in a fashion where 'Oh, shit happens, deal with it'.
No. I refuse to write my story in that fashion. I don't believe in the average Joe being thrown into a mesh of trouble simply because they are the 'Chosen One'.
I believe that Katachi's resolve to make ends meet, to confront his fears and insecurities by taking it upon his own hands to seek the 292 Words of Power is very admirable - More so than the people who simply fight and live to survive, like in those post-apocalyptic worlds, more so than the people driven by materialistic desires like gold, or those who fight to start a revolution, a breakthrough in a horrid system.
The burst of freedom from liberating the rebels, the transient joy of dipping in big money, the 'obligatory' choices for survival... Those are related to everyday troubles.
Then why write a story about the past with these elements, when the society of the past hasn't advanced enough for Man's greed to be that dominant? The glorious age of chivalry and honor, though fun to believe that it was stained with blood, isn't as bad as everyone imagined it to be.
... That's what I want WoP Quest to be - A reflection of a great story, one that does not require an excessively dramatic plot, or a quirky cast of characters with catchphrases like in One Piece, or one-sided massacres that makes the character appear invincible and epic.
A man charging into thousands shouldn't be able to trudge onward without being hurt or hampered in their advance. They shouldn't be able to spin and continually slash while running forward without the risk of an enemy vanguard holding a spear and a tower shield, waiting for your window of weakness.
I love this story. I love how the battles are focused around mind games - One slash into the gut wounds you severely, and one slash at the throat is truly lethal. You stand at the very edge of Death, and you fight knowing that your opponent is on the same ledge as you are.
It may be high fantasy (which often takes the sense of realism away), but I want every battle to truly grip at the reader, to reinforce the fact that they could die at any moment if they make one wrong step. I want every scene in the story to be remembered clearly, showing the characters' faces and expressions and reflecting their thought processes well.
...
... The story's world forms in my head, and yet I can only type so much in such pitiful, little amount of time.
I'm not excited for NS, if anything. I've played the waiting game since this March, waiting for my enlistment letter to arrive.
In fact, it's a funny story, really. I had to head down to a hospital twice, to see a psychiatrist and a cardiologist. (Because I'm fat, yo.) I've seen both specialists, and they both offered to submit a blue form indicating my medical condition to the Central ManPower Base for me. The cardiologist report made it through, probably, since I haven't received any letters or news from the CMPB regarding it. But the Psychiatrist slip seems to be lost in processing hell, or something - About 3 months ago, I was summoned there to submit a form I don't even have on me. How am I supposed to create something that I don't even have on me, wave a magic wand? Disassemble the rubbish in their bins and reform them into a forged contract? That's real life, not fantasy, and forgery is a crime.
Isn't it odd? Two reports by the same hospital, yet only one of them makes it through. Are the people there holding some sort of grudge against the Psychiatrist department or something, dumping all their patients' records away in spite? Or did some employee mix their personal life into their work life, and displaced my records into a paper shredder or a recycling pile by accident?
I don't really intend to find out. What's the point of thinking so much, when I'm not even part of the staff, the faculty? I'm not worried about the personal lives of ants. But I ought to receive some form of reasonable answer from the hospital, if possible.
Can you imagine a hospital denying an involvement like that, shrugging off these trivial matters and pretending it's not their staff's fault just to defend their name? Sure, you want the hospital to be respectable and all, but that's not achieved by insisting that nothing's wrong with the procedures. It should be achieved through humility; By admittance, by recognizing that humans err, and improving upon that to produce staff of a higher quality & caliber.
... In any case, it's been 6 months. I think I've waited long enough, so I've found a contracted job which apparently terminates at November.
I don't care what they say. I've waited long enough, now the government has to wait for my contract to end. I will risk being arrested if need be, because honestly, how do you expect to raise patriots in a country like this, with such a fallacious system to begin with? How do you expect a country like Singapore, whose focus is on the aged, the elderly and the seniority, to maintain their position in their young soldiers' hearts, the forces actually protecting their daily, mundane life?
Most soldiers perform an oath to fight for the country, but most of them are uttered for the sake of uttering - I won't doubt that at least 60% of the soldiers will flee when war really strikes them. People who are born in an age of peace, suddenly being forced to take up arms against someone they call a 'brother' moments ago... It will never work.
The multiracial ethnicity has only served to weaken the soldiers' wills further. In times of peace, yes, it is an acceptable, and perhaps the most favorable approach, but when the Chinese man who sleeps in the same bunker as you suddenly gets up and kills everyone in their sleep, how are you to fight back? 'Let the Chinese deal with the Chinese problem.' is a diplomatic approach that aims to stave off hostility, but under that phrase lies so many cracks it's not even funny how it's still a 'feasible' approach to peace.
For starters, think about this - If 'they' really wanted to wage war, 'they' will start off by disrupting the trust and building the tensions between the races. 'They'd' never use such a standard approach to racial superiority.
(You are X race. Kill everyone who's not X race. Glory to the Übermensch.)
Instead, 'they' will hire a Malay terrorist (for example) to kill all the other Malays in the vicinity, and suddenly there are no more 'Malays' to deal with the 'Malay problem'. You may think, 'That's inhumane!' Well, for your information, Mankind isn't very humane to begin with, if you reflect upon our history thus far.
If any of the Chinese or the Indians or the Eurasians takes fire or so much as reacts in an aggressive manner, tensions will build between those two races because the men involved are suddenly representatives of their respective races, for some reason. Not only that, the victim race (in this example, Malays) will be heavily ostracized and might even be 'cast out' under the guise of a conspiracy. That's exactly what 'they' want - Disarray. They turn the politics against themselves. Just as how Cúchulainn had been forced to break his geis, the politicians will crumble, one by one, and the multiracial economy, once their boon, now becomes their bane.
I don't want to say who 'they' are, since I don't know. But if I were standing in 'their' position, if I flipped the chessboard around and began thinking 'How can I take advantages of my own country's weaknesses?' I would be scared to live in Singapore. I am already scared of living in Singapore. This place is blanketed by a pretense of peace, but like the maggots wriggling and undulating about under the rotting flesh, it will all rupture and surface to the extent that you'd be shocked at how dangerous this place actually is.
I'm scared. I don't want to stay, if and where possible - Only a fool would remain patriotic under these severe conditions. The thought of your neighbor holding a butcher knife, ambushing you right around the corner as you head into a lift or the stairwell leading to your house, and getting slashed and murdered right then and there, that's dangerous. And the HDB I'm in is full of people from different races, so this home isn't safe to begin with.
But, at the same time, I do want to stay - This sense of fear I am experiencing from these flaws and hairline cracks in the mirror... It's exactly what Roberia is experiencing with her steadily growing fear of her home, Rugnud. I actually feel like Matalpalhallafaelladrapahamo Roberia, and this perpetual dread only helps in my visualization of Roberia's personality and character.
Y'see, my characters are all based off of my own personalities, ideals and current experiences - I feel so alive writing this story. How can I not write WoP Quest? (Though I'd be deeply saddened if my novel stays unfinished, like Kaze no Stigma by Yamato Takahiro. Sad face :C)
In any case, this means that I will be updating even less than before (since, obviously, I'm not going to have the time to type) But, look forward to it. This series... I have plans for it during these next 10 years.
Look forward to it. It's a long, slow read - A big thank-you to the people who have supported this series thus far.
Signing off,
Cozy
